A Journey To Self Improvement

Today is National Nurses Day and we got to sit down with Tatiana, a local Boston nurse who has been working to combat Covid-19 in one of the highly infected neighborhoods in Boston. Tatiana is also a mom, a talented dancer, and a young woman on the journey to self-discovery. She walks us through her path to happiness.

I MAKE IT MY OBLIGATION TO SERVE THEM THE BEST WAY I KNOW HOW, AND THAT IS BEING A GOOD NURSE WHO SEES AND RESPECTS HER PATIENTS.

Can you tell us about the work you have been doing on the front lines during this pandemic?

T: I have been a nurse for 7 years and never have I experienced anything like this. I am currently a school nurse and although schools have been closed, the work hasn’t stopped. I’m still reaching out to families who have been infected with COVID-19 and educating them on how to self-isolate and care for themselves. I also still have the responsibility to care for my students who have chronic-illnesses and ensure that they still have access to their medications. I would say a big chunk of my work with students and families is around the grieving process and providing mental health care, whether that be counseling or helping in the referral process; I make sure they are getting the care that they deserve.

T: In addition to my full-time work as a school nurse, I have given my time and talents over to a local community health center. With there being a high demand for nurses to help with triage, I had to step up and lend a hand. The scope of my work at the health center ranges from triage, education promotion, direct patient care including giving vaccinations, taking vitals signs, administering medications and providing treatments.

T: I know that communities of color are being hit the hardest and that has a direct impact on my friends and family, so I make it my obligation to serve them the best way I know how, and that is being a good nurse who sees and respects her patients. The healthcare system is changing every day, and patients can’t keep up with these changes. For instance, people are afraid to go to hospitals for urgent care and hospitals are doing everything they can to tend to their patients via telehealth services. We have to be innovative and find ways to continue to treat patients even during this pandemic.

We are living in uncertain times, and with social distancing in place, our everyday lives have been rattled. How have you been coping with it all?

T: Everyday has its challenges, but I try to count my blessings. I have my health and still have a job. There are so many Americans out there who have been more affected by this pandemic. I also know that in order for me to be my best self, I have to take care of my mental health because although changes in my life may seem small, I still have to adjust to new routines, isolation and the feeling of uncertainty still remains.

T: I have decided to look at this time in quarantine as an opportunity to get to know myself and work on me.

Tell us more about that…

T: Think about it, up until now life has been fast paced, and our routines have been set in place. Now all of a sudden, we are at a standstill. Now I have the time to pause and rediscover who I am, what I want in life, what feeds my soul and what makes me truly happy, not fake happy. Most importantly, I’ve been learning to love myself before loving anyone else. When I turned 30, I said I would work on myself but with a busy schedule, I never seemed to find time to do that. Now, I can write down my goals, tackle the parts of me I’m not proud of, read books, and spend time with myself with no external voices swaying me one way or another. I can be intentional in my everyday life, and be present with my son.

Let’s Discuss the idea of self-improvement. Can you share what that looks like?

T: I am a mom and I love being a mom, but I can admit that I have also lost my identity while being a mom. I had my son in my early twenties and I was a kid myself. I had to grow up fast and didn’t have the time to explore who I was or what I wanted in life. I became complacent in many areas of my life. I also come from a family that has high expectations of me and in turn has caused me to aim for perfection. In aiming for perfection, I grew insecure about my abilities and never showed my failures. My life was all about people pleasing and that applied to all my relationships. I never wanted to disappoint others and found myself overextending myself and attending events solely out of the fear of not supporting the people in my life. This was a very lonely way of living and since then I have shifted my thinking. I had to sit with myself and face the denial. That was the beginning of the self-improvement process. The next step is to change these habits.

I’M LEARING TO BE COMFORTABLE WITH BEING UNCOMFORTABLE, TO PUSH MYSELF AND NOT LET FEAR STOP ME FROM AIMING FOR MORE IN LIFE. 

T: Now that I have a better sense of my self-awareness, I can say that redesigning my goals in life and putting the focus on myself has become easier. I’m learning to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, to push myself and not let fear stop me from aiming for more in life. Prior to becoming a mom, I was a member of a dance team and it was truly a passion of mine. I have been wanting to go back to school for my Masters in Nursing Education as well as a Masters in Psychiatric Nursing. Now, I can make these things a priority again. I am going to sign up for dance classes and prepare to go back to school.

T: This is an ongoing process and I’m nowhere near the end but I am committed to change. I’m working on being more transparent about how I’m feeling and expressing things even if it sucks, letting go of being perfect, and not feeling guilty for choosing me. I am taking risks, trying new things, digging deeper and trusting myself more. Being in this process while in quarantine has allowed me to learn how to enjoy my solitude. I have been reading a lot, and one book that has really helped me in this process is Shonda Rhimes’ book, The Year of YES. I look forward to the woman I am becoming.

How has this personal growth process impacted your relationships?

T: For the most part, people have been understanding about my choices. No one has shunned me. I think the difference is that I have gravitated towards people who are more aligned with what I need. These people are a part of this self-discovery process for me. They share knowledge, values and ideas with me that has helped me through this process. I know that’s what I need, and it’s where my focus is.

I WANT TO BE FREE TO BE THE REAL TATI.

Where do you see yourself a year from now?

T: I see myself being more confident! Also, using that confidence to say NO when I want to say no and not feel the need to explain myself any further, being present and enjoying life without over planning, being stronger both mentally and physically, as well as saying YES to everything that scares me. I know the fear of risking and failing has stopped me from being all of these things. I want to stop focusing on “how will the world look at me, think of me?” and I want to not give a fuck what anyone thinks. I want to be FREE to be the real Tati.

You mentioned that you are working on being more transparent and expressive. How does your personal style play a role in your self- expression and in this process?

T: In my twenties, I would wear a lot of trendy styles. I’d go to the store and be super impulsive, and buy multiple colors of one top. I would have a ton of clothes with tags on them that I would never get to wear because the trend has come and gone. It was wasteful, so now I want to be intentional with my purchase. My priority is to make sure that what I buy is both comfortable and functional.  

T:Now I want a simple, timeless and classic look. I want to look my age, and have a chic style. I’m a petite woman with a youthful figure and I want to buy clothing that will allow me to look like a woman and be taken seriously. Shopping can be difficult because oftentimes, I find myself drowning in clothes. Everything needs to be tailored to fit my tiny frame. I prefer a fitted sexy look, but can pull off a sporty street look too. I am also pushing myself to let go of trying to find the perfect complete look. I am buying more staple pieces because quality is more important to me.